All my life, I’ve focused on literary stardom, fantasizing about the day my unique voice will rise above the din of mundane existence to inspire humanity through the written word. I’ve toiled in non-profit organizations, hoping the fruits of my labor will make significant change in the lives of the world’s most underserved populations. But I think I’ve finally discovered my calling.
I’m going to be a cocktail waitress.
Obviously, this is the crème de la crème of occupations, considering all the fantastically desirable women who do it and the caliber of men enchanted by them.
Tiger Woods’ main mistress? Cocktail waitress. Most of George Clooney’s girlfriends? Cocktail waitresses. Matt Damon’s wife? Three words: Cock. Tail. Waitress.